Saturday, December 29, 2007

Thoughts On Smoking

According to wikipedia, "native cultures" began smoking tobacco in 300 BC. I imagine the following conversation ensuing:

"Look a new plant!"
"E-gads! Let's dry it, light it on fire and then stick in in our mouths."
"Great idea! The village will be thrilled!"

I'm not sure about the "E-gads," but the rest is historically spot on.

Friday, December 28, 2007

Thoughts On Secret Santas

Secret santas work like this: You take $10-20 and trade it for something that you not only hate, but that is also completely useless. I have provided the following examples:

$15 --> A box of bath salts and a weird scented soap in the shape of some marine animal
$10 --> An oversized candle that smells so strongly that, not only can you never light it, you probably can never bring in in your home.
$13 --> A small hardback book entitled 'Things That Bring Joy'
$17 --> A tear off calendar. Favorites include puppies, famous people, and inspirational quotes.

For those of you who are currently sorting through such gifts, this advice may seem untimely; however, it gives you a full year to complete a list of unacceptable secret santa gifts- more politely phrased as 'things i do not currently need.' This list should be posted in public places so that any potential secret santa will have full disclosure before disaster shopping begins.

I have started the following list as an example:
- calendars
- self improvement kits (yoga decks, fung shui guides etc)
- any beauty product (lets assume we are responsible enough to take care of our own hygiene)
- popcorn tins
- cooking sets (no one makes fondue or sushi at home. If they do, they won't use a $10 B&N set)
- stuffed animals of any kind
- things that you could hang from a rear view mirror
- anything holiday related (mugs, socks, those headbands with springy santa heads)

This is just a start. Hopefully by the end of the year you will have at least 10-15 pages, leaving your secret santa no choice but to give you cash.



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